Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
