8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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