i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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