this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
