Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We had to coat check the pizza.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
