My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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