she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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