I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
