My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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