You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
only if we run a train.
done.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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