Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
