Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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