Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
