Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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