is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
