Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
