Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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