she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
