Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
