I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
