why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
