so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
