can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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