the condom got lost in my hair
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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