I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
