the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
