Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
