so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
