He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
