totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just found puke in my bra..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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