I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize