And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
