my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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