Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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