You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
