I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Holy shit dude........stairs
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
