you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
