i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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