He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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