Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
