I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize