i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize