I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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