I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
