Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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