So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize