non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
