We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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