u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
