Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
