6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
