apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
