I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
