Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
