Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
