I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
