Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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