I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
