she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
