Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
