i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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