Screwed.edu
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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