So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize