Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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