I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
