so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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