Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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