I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize