Me. At least after what I've been through.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
