theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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