So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
