Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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